Why I'm So Glad I'm Not a Girl

Over the last few months, during normal conversation with my female friends, I often stumbled across habits or conditions which reaffirmed my gratitude to God for making me male. For the record, I apologize in advance for any offence taken, but this is my honest, blunt, opinion. This list goes from the most gladdening to the most trivial. Moreover, generalities are used in nearly every reason of this list, so not everything listed applies to every person. Just in case, I apologize in advance again.

1. Childbirth: I hear that bearing children hurts more than anything else. I would rather not experience anything to that degree. The result may be more than worth the pain, but I am just glad that I do not have to experience anything near that pain.
2. Periods: Many friends of mine complain of the cramps and uncomfortableness that accompanies this monthly cycle. Moreover, the moodiness that may accompany a period may cause tension between close ones.
3. Menopause: Later in life, many women experience menopause, which can be accompanied with hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, and other negative symptoms. To me, menopause sounds like a miserable time, and, like my first two reasons, something that I would definitely not enjoy. Luckily, I do not have to.
4. Horrible guys: I have to admit, some guys are jerks. Some are players, some are opportunistic, and some just do the absolutely unforgivable. It seems that every girl I know looks past the most obvious negative in a guy and utterly falls for him. If their attraction (or perhaps dependence) becomes too great, then sometimes they go through cycles of love and hate. I couldn't stand being so fickle. Understandably, this does not apply to every female I know, but to quite a few, it does. Sometimes, guys go too far though. This breed of scum relies on intoxication and trickery to have his way with women. Such dirt does not deserve life.
5. Shaving, and alternatives: Women have to shave a much larger area than men. Honestly, shaving my face can be more than enough! Some even get waxings, which, to tell the truth, frighten me to no end. How can anyone undergo such pain willingly?
6. Make up: Personally, make up seems to be a multi-million dollar waste of money. To me, most girls look fine without makeup. Even worse, sometimes they look worse with makeup on. Spending a great deal of time attempting to look perfect when your natural skin looks good enough seems like a grand waste of time.

As time continues to pass, I will probably add and subtract items from this list, but have no fear, I am sure that I will always be extremely thankful that I am male. As a bit of a disclaimer, I must say that nearly everything listed in this post is based on assumption and hearsay. None of this I have personally experienced exactly as I have written. For example, I have shaved, just not my legs. That being said, I say my final appology for any offence taken and retire until next time.